Review: The Bartesian Cocktail Maker Delivers Bar-Worthy Drinks With The Push Of A Button

Picture this: It's 4:45 p.m. on a Friday, and you're mindlessly scrolling through social media, waiting for the workday to come to an end and the "slams laptop shut until Monday" bell tolls. Your eyes fall upon an image of a jewel-toned cocktail with the caption "It's 5 o'clock somewhere." You think to yourself, "Yes, here!" Your mouth waters. You scroll further to see the description. Sure enough, there are instructions for making the scrumptious-sounding drink. But your heart falls. Not only are you missing several of the key ingredients and specialty home bar tools, but the instructions seem overly complicated. Where did you put your muddler and how do you make simple syrup again? The clock strikes 5 p.m. You slam that laptop shut and end up cracking open a beer instead, feeling utterly disappointed that the watery lager you're sipping isn't a tequila sunrise — or even a tequila sunset.

But what if I told you that cocktail could be in your hands in less than 2 minutes with the push of a button? Enter Bartesian, the brilliant home bar appliance that's like a Keurig, but for cocktails. I was lucky enough to get my hands on one of these babies to test drive. Should you splurge on this boozy beverage machine? Here's my take.

This review is based on firsthand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer.

Bartesian was created by CEO and founder Ryan Close, who bartended in college and felt overwhelmed when customers would order overly complicated drinks because of the specific ingredients and skill they would require — skills he felt he lacked. It was the same at home. He'd crave a great cocktail but didn't have the energy or supplies to craft it. "Bartesian was built as a solution for at-home, everyday 'bartenders,'" he explains in an interview with leadership expert Adam Mendler.

And that's exactly what this appliance is. Capable of mixing more than 60 different cocktails, from classics like a lemon drop or an old fashioned to more modern and creative tipples like a honey deuce or the ubiquitous espresso martini with the push of a button, the Bartesian effectively does away with all of the fancy ingredients in the name of space- and time-saving efficiency.

At first glance, it looks similar to a Keurig machine. It features a removable water reservoir, a dispenser, and a holder with puncturing needle for the pre-packaged cocktail capsules that contain a mix of bitters, juices, and extracts. It also has fillable canisters for various spirits — vodka, rum, gin, tequila, or whiskey — and a clever control panel that allows you to customize the strength of your cocktail, from strong all the way down to a booze-free mocktail-grade if so desired. I also must mention the absolutely adorable fitted bar mat that looks just like the real thing from your favorite watering hole.

Bartesian has two models on the market: the Bartesian classic ($349.99), featuring five 900-milliliter glass spirits canisters for a true home bar dispensing machine, and the smaller Duet ($259.99), which is billed as having all the same great features but made in a more compact design that includes two 1-liter spirits canisters instead of five. If you're more of a loyalist when it comes to your drinks, this option could be the one for you. As someone who typically avoids tequila thanks to some particularly vivid college memories, I imagine I wouldn't necessarily need all five spirits holders.

The capsules are sold separately and could make for some really fun shopping experiences in and of themselves thanks to the sheer variety available. Single-flavor capsules come in 8- and 32-packs for $19.99 and $71.99, respectively. Bartesian also offers fun combinations that are either spirit-based (Whiskey Lovers Variety Pack) or themed (Poolside Vibes Variety Pack), also in 8- and 32-capsule denominations at the same price points. New flavors and cocktails come out regularly, and there are even subscription plans to keep your machine well-stocked. 

There are, of course, also bundles and starter kits as well as gift cards if you're shopping for a (particularly generous) gift. And accessories abound, like the Bartesian Clear Sphere Ice Maker, a capsule drawer, travel bag, various glassware, salt rimmers, and more. All items are available online at Bartesian's website as well as at various e-tailers like Amazon and brick-and-mortar stores.

When it comes to putting this baby into action, it's pretty much as effortless as it sounds. Insert pod, press a button, and get a cocktail. However, there are few key steps to set everything up and ensure your push-button tipple is as tasty as possible. Fortunately, Bartesian makes everything simple, from the easy-to-read instruction booklet to the device's control panel that is intuitive and responsive.

Since I have the Duet, I opted to kick things off with some vodka-based cocktails as well as some whiskey-based cocktails. After filling the water reservoir and doing a quick first-run process that primes the machine, I poured my spirits in the canisters, applied the handy spirits markers — they look like those fun silicone bracelets with motivational slogans — and was ready to go.

After selecting a drink capsule, you open up the top — as you would a Keurig — and pop it in. Bartesian then reads the barcode on the capsule so it knowns which spirits canister to draw from. The next steps appear on the digital control panel, telling you first what glass or receptacle to prep, and then offering you a choice of drink strength — light, regular, strong, or a booze-free mocktail option. From there, it's smooth sailing. Push the button, and wait about 30 seconds for your drink to dispense. If using a glass, you can garnish as you'd like and get straight to sipping. If using a shaker, simply give it a shimmy and serve.

I was initially worried the machine would be fussier than it sounded. How could one device possibly make a passable Long Island iced tea? (Note: Because a Long Island iced tea requires three types of alcohol, it works only with the larger Bartesian model.) But truthfully, this is a straightforward bar appliance that's as close to plug-and-play as you can get. I love how each cocktail capsule comes with a barcode that the machine reads and processes accordingly. It suggests which glass to use — including whether you need to place a martini shaker underneath — and whether to add ice. I particularly appreciated the customization for drink strength, allowing me to make a drink according to how brutal that Monday afternoon meeting was (strong), if I'm having a pre-dinner sip (light or regular), or whether I need to take my kids to baseball practice (mocktail). Again, the digital control panel is intuitive, and the dial-style selection tool sleek and satisfying.

It's also a pretty decent-looking appliance that looks right at home on a countertop, but it's not so large that you couldn't easily tuck it away if you prefer a more minimalist living space. Cleaning was a breeze, despite my initial expectation that this would be the biggest downside. There are nifty settings that instruct you on how to change spirits in the canisters and rinse the dispensing lines. The water reservoir and spirits containers lift right out and can be emptied and cleaned with regular water and detergent.

So how are the drinks? I started with a classic: the Cosmopolitan. Not only did I want my first experience with the Bartesian to be a brightly colored, iconic cocktail, but I also knew what to expect from this cranberry-citrus martini to be able to judge it properly, having sipped a few in my "Sex and the City" days.

After prepping the machine, I popped in a Cosmo capsule, and, sure enough, the control panel read the barcode and instructed me to place a cocktail shaker with ice under the dispenser. That answered my initial question about how I would get an instantly cold martini ("Oh! We dispense to a shaker, not the glass for this round!"). In fact, this powerful little barcode contains information about the glass or shaker suggestion, the alcohol type, and how much alcohol and water to add to complete the drink based on the strength the user chooses on the touch screen.

When prompted, I opted for a regular-strength cocktail and pushed the "next" button, getting things rolling. The control panel flashed a cute and clever message, "No tab to settle and no last call," and began to dispense my Cosmo into the shaker. I donned the top, gave it a rigorous shake, and poured it into my ready martini glass. The resulting drink was a bright ruby-pink shade, the perfect mix of sweet-tart, with clean hints of lime and potent cranberry flavor. A tasty, unmistakable (if slightly more concentrated) Cosmo.

With the Cosmo in the bag (er, glass), I wanted to play around with cocktail strength and try something a little more contemporary but still in the vodka realm as one of my canisters was being taken up by this popular clear spirit. Since the espresso martini is, as we all know, having a bit of a moment, this was the obvious choice. Bartesian just so happens to have an espresso martini capsule ready to go.

I popped it in and followed the same instructions as my Cosmo, only this time opting for a "light" preparation. The machine understood the assignment and quickly dispensed the chocolatey brown liquid into my martini shaker. I gave it some quick gyrations and poured it into another martini glass.

The liquid was a medium-espresso brown with that quintessential crema-like frothy topping — it truly looked the part. After a quick taste, I actually said out loud to my 8-year-old, "Wow, that is delicious." I've never been a big fan of this ubiquitous cocktail, but the Bartesian might just have the last say on that front.

Two martinis in — for the record, I sipped and dumped ... where were my happy hour friends when I needed them most? — it was time to switch to whiskey. Since this was the other spirit I put in my second canister to start, I didn't need to change anything in the machine at this point.

My go-to spirit if I'm cocktailing is whiskey, and I particularly enjoy any whiskey drink that combines an element of acid, like citrus. So, naturally, I love a well-made whiskey sour, that smoky-tart cocktail that somehow manages to be both totally old school and effortlessly timeless.

This time, when I popped the capsule into the machine, the control panel guided me to place a lowball glass with ice under the dispenser. I again opted for the regular-strength version, and let 'er rip. A few seconds later, pale golden liquid poured into my glass, and the machine alerted me with a "Cheers! Open the lid and remove the capsule" notification when my drink was ready. Speaking of ready, after one sip of this perfectly executed whiskey sour, I was ready to slam the laptop shut until next year and declare a personal sabbatical on the couch. It was the right balance of heady whiskey with tart lemon notes and the telltale froth on top — I can definitely see this moving into heavy Friday evening rotation.

You can't have a cocktail party without margaritas, so for the next round, I moved on to tequila. This required changing spirits in the Duet, which I admittedly dreaded at first but found to be super simple, as the machine guides you through each step. All it took was a few prompts on the control panel, a quick line purge with the press of a button, a refill of the canisters with new spirits, and we were ready to go.

I opted for a regular-strength classic margarita (although I had the choice of mango, passion fruit, pineapple, and blackberry capsules at my fingertips), since this is a highly recognizable flavor that I would be able to compare to a margarita I might get in a bar or restaurant. The machine again suggested a lowball or rocks glass with ice, although you could mix this up in a cocktail shaker and strain it into the typical margarita glass if so inclined.

As always, the drink came out swiftly and smoothly. However, of all the cocktails I tasted, this was my least favorite. It could be that I'm not generally a tequila fan (see above re: college years), or that my preferred margarita is made with fresh lime juice versus margarita mix, but this drink had that slightly artificial, sweet-and-sour mixer taste that I just don't love. Then again, this drink could easily hold its own at any two-for-one margarita night at your local taco Tuesday joint, I'm sure.

Last but not least, I, of course, had to dabble in a bit of gin mixology. When I switched out spirits and added tequila, I also put gin in the other canister, so I was ready to go for this round. I'd never heard of or had an Uptown Rocks, but after some research I learned that it can be made with any number of spirits, that it's somewhat similar to a classic sidecar cocktail, and that it usually offers a mix of citrus, stone fruit, and tropical notes. Bartesian's version promises "an elegant floral and sweet gin drink featuring a mix of peach, white grape, and lemon juices with a graceful cilantro kick." My curiosity was piqued.

Dispensed over ice, this might have been my favorite cocktail of all. It had all that Bartesian's description promised — a lovely mix of ripe, fleshy peach, a touch of citrus, and a beguiling herbal note that truly made the drink. Because the machine self-cleans after each drink and the capsules contain no alcohol, I even made a mocktail version for my 10-year-old son, who was hooked.

Not only was this test drive incredibly fun, but having the ability to create push-button cocktails at home made me feel like I'd teleported to the future. It's no surprise that Bartesian has received all kinds of recognition, including bragging rights as one of Oprah's Favorite Things. The bigger question is whether its hefty price tag is worth it, especially when factoring in the ongoing cost of the capsules.

Making cocktails at home is rarely an inexpensive endeavor. Specialty mixers, juices, and equipment come with a cost and can often be perishable. While Bartesian's cocktail capsules do have expiration dates, thanks to being made primarily from natural ingredients, their shelf life is typically longer than, say, that carton of orange juice you need for the perfect Sex on the Beach. Plus each capsule contains all of the ingredients for each cocktail, no matter how complicated. Yes, even that Long Island Iced Tea.

Bottom line: This bar appliance is worth every penny if you're someone who loves to entertain or simply likes a delicious mixed drink on the regular. There's an element of that hands-on, meditative, mad-scientist mixology that I admittedly missed — slicing fruit, muddling, and measuring — but the ease of use and sleek design more than made up for it. Plus, if you really wanted, you could use the time you saved skipping all those steps to experiment with offbeat techniques like smoking your cocktails or perfecting your clear ice spheres.

I received the Bartesian Duet cocktail machine and three boxes of cocktail capsules — the Classic Collection, the Tropical Margarita Collection, and the Vodka Lovers variety pack. I used filtered fridge water in the machine and tested several rounds of cocktails, which required changing spirits canisters, flushing lines, and cleaning the machine.

As noted above, I made a total of five cocktails and one mocktail. I based my review on extensive experience in the drinks industry as a journalist, beverage professional, and consultant as well as an avid wine and spirits enthusiast.