The Best Way To Serve Caramel Apples Isn't Very Traditional

The caramel apple is one of the nation's most festive foodstuffs. One look and it conjures notions of long afternoons at the fair, happy Halloweens spookily exclaiming "Trick-or-treat!" through a mouthful of plastic vampire fangs, or family DIY dessert nights. The gleaming, candy-coated fruit on a stick seems to be present exclusively during life's most pleasant moments. It is also a total and complete nightmare to eat.

A caramel apple is horribly proportioned for both tensile strength and flavor distribution. You really need to chomp into the thing like a horse with a bit to get anything resembling a proper taste. This effort strains the integrity of the ridiculous skewer soon to become slick with your own saliva. What was moments ago a confectionary symbol of classic Americana is soon reduced to the sticky debris of burnt sugar and a Granny Smith. You'll be lucky to make it out with your actual teeth intact. But, take those same ingredients and reconfigure them as caramel apple wedges, and you have an elegant, bite-sized solution to this (frankly, not all that bad in the grand scheme of things but vexing nonetheless) conundrum. While it might not have the same nostalgic visual wow factor, it's an incredibly convenient and practical reimagining of the vintage treat.

Swapping those bobble-headed caramel apples for splendid, superior wedges could not be easier, an over-performing fix if there ever was one. Now, to give credit where credit is due, you still want the sweet/tart combination of the original. So, stick with the signature green Granny Smiths, or maybe venture into McIntosh territory if you must. You can use a dedicated tool like the OXO Good Grips Apple Slicer or just a sharp knife to divide the crisp fruit into wedges. (Expect to get about eight pieces out of one large apple.) And, while it looks nice to keep them uniform sizes, it isn't critical. You'll also want to spritz with lemon juice to stave off browning — the caramel will also help to delay oxidation.

Heavy cream is key when you want to melt a bag of caramel cubes. Once mixed in, you'll have to let the confection cool down until it's manageable to touch, but still optimally pliable. Use toothpicks, chopsticks, or your hands to dip the apple wedges, coating them completely. Working only with the latter might require some digital gymnastics, but you can spoon additional caramel over any sparser spots after placing the fruit on parchment paper. Garnish with crushed nuts, chopped dried fruit, cookie crumbles or melted chocolate, and refrigerate to set.

If preparing for a party, go ahead and make one whole caramel apple as the centerpiece for your beautifully arranged caramel apple wedges, dressed in their sundry garnishes. Like a Bourdainian stunt turkey, it'll still strike the right image, absent any unsightly gnawing.