The Best Way To Hold A Burger So You Don't End Up Wearing It

When you're eating a simple burger, with just a bun, patty, and cheese the way Anthony Bourdain liked his burgers, you're unlikely to make a big mess unless the burger is especially buttery and juicy. This is far from the only way to eat a burger, though, and sometimes you want a sloppy cheeseburger with lots of ketchup, mustard, pickle slices, and onions hanging nearly off the sides. It's delicious when the ingredients stay inside the burger, but it's a frustrating mess of napkins and laundromat trips when they don't. Giving a good squeeze to a tall burger is liable to send toppings straight onto your lap, after all. Fortunately, there is a technique to holding a sloppy burger.

According to Kotaku, a Japanese show called "Honma Dekka!? TV" — an edutainment show where a comedian interviews experts and scientists about a plethora of odd topics — aired an episode digging into the topic of how exactly you should hold a burger. A group of researchers and engineers examined a 3D scan of a burger and determined that the optimal strategy is to grab the burger with both hands, place your thumbs and pinkies around the bottom bun, and then place your index, middle, and ring fingers on the top bun. Don't hold it too tight.

This strategy works because the burger's weight is now distributed evenly. There won't be any loose spots without any structural support where loose ketchup could take the plunge, and no high-pressure spots from squeezing too hard which could launch a tomato slice out the back. Sometimes the flimsiness of the bun also adds to the burger's instability, especially the thinner bottom bun which can bend if there's nothing holding it on place. If possible, toasting the buns on a skillet or grill can make them slightly sturdier and less bendy, giving it the structural support that you'd be compensating for using your fingers.

One final tip for holding cheeseburgers is less about where you stick your fingers, and relies more on a tried-and-true rule for holding sandwich ingredients in place: Layer your burger so ingredients with different textures are touching each other. More slippery ingredients like tomatoes or onions should go in between more dry ingredients like lettuce and the patty. The friction will hold them in place, and the troublesome ingredients won't be sliding off each other and potentially going ballistic. Still, you shouldn't forget your burger-holding technique. This is also assuming that you don't still have the burger's wrapper, which you can peel back while you eat.