Store-Bought Coffee Ice Cream, Ranked Worst To Best

Coffee ice cream is one of those foods that mimic nectar or ambrosia. Surely, if there are gods upon Olympus, this is what they're eating. The best part about coffee ice cream is that you can get that delicious flavor without the caffeinated jolt. There really isn't that much caffeine in coffee ice cream (about a half to a third of what you would get in a shot of espresso or a cup of drip coffee) so you can safely eat it at night. As someone who is incredibly caffeine-sensitive and didn't have trouble going to sleep despite eating a ton of ice cream at 6 p.m., I feel confident advising in this regard.

And when I say a ton, I mean it. In the interest of finding the absolute best coffee ice cream on the market, the fam and I — one husband, one sister, one father, one grandfather, and a small girl and boy — sampled 13 of the most popular store-bought brands to see which took home the gold medal. Not all coffee ice creams are created equal, after all, and it sucks to get revved up to enjoy some only to be disappointed by a bad brand.

If you don't like store-bought, you can always make coffee ice cream yourself, of course. Ice cream doesn't require a machine; you can make it at home with half-and-half and a bag of salt or replicate a delicious custard ice cream on the stove. Even if you're an ice cream whiz, it helps to know what the best brands are doing. From flavor to mix-ins, here are the coffee ice creams to eat or emulate, ranked worst to best.

Alternative ingredients always come with a higher price tag. Planet Based Foods Dairy-Free Coffee Chip Frozen Dessert was no exception, with a dairy-free ingredients list that ostensibly justifies the upcharge while neatly destroying the flavor at the same time. Now, I'm no stranger to the dairy-free product, so I can safely say that there's absolutely no need for this product — which costs $7.99 per pint — to taste as bad as it does. None.

Just how bad does it taste, you're wondering? Imagine that someone took a perfectly good pint of coffee ice cream, sucked out the creaminess and left ice crystals in its wake, and mysteriously forgot to add sugar at the same time. Then imagine that person dusted it with erythritol, added a bizarre powdery taste, somehow watered down the flavor further, and handed it to you. Would you eat it? Well, don't.

As the sister noted, "It's not bad because it's plant-based ... it's just bad." If you're going to take the dairy-free approach, opt for a brand like So Delicious. While their Oatmilk Coffee Chip Frozen Dessert was not available where we shopped, their other flavors are nice if you can't find that one.

When a pint of ice cream costs $2.50, you kind of know what you're getting into. Or at least, you should ... and we did. This ice cream tasted cheap and not very coffee-ish, which is what we expected from the Kroger brand you can find in stores across the United States. The grandfather, who was generally quite gentle in his ice cream reviews, was not a fan at all, while others agreed that it had a somewhat off flavor.

Eventually, we realized what that flavor was: booze. Although nothing on the packaging indicated that the ice cream was going to have a liquor-forward taste, that's definitely what was going on. We don't know if it's just this batch or if it's something in the ingredients, which we were unable to determine by looking at the list on the carton. In the end, understanding the nature of the flavor problem was helpful, because, for those of us who like a spiked coffee drink, it actually made for a pleasant effect.

Sometimes, keto goes too far. That is absolutely the case for the Whoa Momma! Espresso Chocolate Protein Gelato. This immediately caused a sniff from the sister, who is "sick of the protein warriors" (thanks for that, Instagram), a feeling that was only underlined when everyone immediately hated the weird health-shake aftertaste.

For $8.49, this was particularly offensive. As with Planet Based Foods, there is something so galling about paying twice as much for a specialty ice cream just because it needs to meet a dietary need, but not even getting a good flavor out of it. Like, is alternative milk or a bit of protein powder *really* more expensive than basic ingredients? And if so, can you really not use your vast food science knowledge to make me like it anyway? Apparently, in the case of Whoa Momma!, they cannot.

Think it's bad when a pint of ice cream costs $2.50? How about when 1½ quarts of it costs $2.79? At these prices, one assumes one is in for a wild ride in terms of quality, which is why the Kroger Deluxe Cookies and Cream Latte Ice Cream came as a pleasant surprise. It got a whole two rankings higher on our list than the Private Selection, despite being about three times cheaper per ounce. How? No one can say, but there you are.

It's also important to note that this one originally tied with Dreyer's in our opinion. Both were fairly creamy and had a decent coffee punch. Ultimately, though, Dreyer's edged out Kroger for the same reasons that ties were settled between some of the brands below: It was the better pure coffee ice cream experience. That said, Kroger did have a nice spin on coffee by adding in the cookies and cream component (though that is a take that's probably dependent on your own feelings about cookies and cream).

Not to be confused with Breyers (a common ice cream brand that inexplicably did not carry a coffee version at the stores I tried), Dreyer's was somewhat disappointing. As the sister pointed out, it was only creamy because it was whipped with a ton of air. If it weren't for that, it would have felt pretty bland indeed. Plus, the incorporation of so much air made the container really light, which in turn makes me question how much actual cream they're even using.

Considering it to be tied with Kroger for taste, the price is worth keeping in mind. At $6.99, it's certainly not the least expensive product on the market, almost three times more expensive than Kroger. Still, the flavor is okay, and you get 1.5 quarts for less than the price that some of these products cost for a pint.

On a final note ... I do think Breyers is the better brand. Although we couldn't find it, they carry a coffee ice cream, so if you can find it at a store, I would recommend that over this for little difference in price.

Never having been a huge Baskin Robbins family, we were actually surprised to discover that you could buy pints of it in the grocery store. I have no idea how we never noticed before, since the packaging is most likely the brightest in the entire ice cream section, but there you have it. They had a dozen flavors from which to choose at our local Fred Meyer (a chain store in the Pacific Northwest), so if you live 'round these parts and like BR, you might want to check it out.

Although it's far from the best of the bunch, Baskin Robbins wasn't half bad; it was creamy and melty with chunks of almond and chocolate ripple. It almost claimed the middle spot. Initially, it tied with Whole Foods 365 Coffee Ice Cream, which is saying something, since the latter is a firm family favorite. However, for reasons discussed in a moment, it ultimately lost.

All right, we've hit the middle of the ranking. From here on out, you can safely buy any of these ice creams and know that you'll have a pretty good experience. No need to worry that people at a party will think you have no taste! The gospel starts with Whole Foods, which is a known quantity in our family and pretty darn good overall. It's creamy, flavorful, and coffee-forward, without any distracting toppings.

In the end, Whole Foods edged out Baskin Robbins for several reasons. One, it's easier to find. If you go to any Whole Foods, you will see this coffee ice cream sitting in the freezer section. I know, because it was the father's go-to ice cream choice for years, so I have picked it up at any number of different branches. Two, Baskin Robbins' mix-ins were a bit odd (the almonds were quite large). While they were good, and we did have a tough time deciding between the two brands, we ultimately went for Whole Foods because it was the purer coffee experience.

Lastly, Baskin Robbins simply can't compete with Whole Foods in terms of price. At $4.49 per pint, it was way less cost-effective than the 365 brand, which was $5.79 for 1.5 quarts, which is three pints. If you're a coffee purist who could care less about mix-ins, Whole Foods is one to watch.

Although Tillamook Creamery now sells its products across the country through giant corporations such as Costco and Kroger, the brand is a homegrown one that is very familiar to an Oregonian like yours truly. It is based in the town of Tillamook, Oregon, near the coast, and if you've never tasted its cheese curds, are you even truly living? (Hopefully, you understand that this is a rhetorical question. Get the cheese curds.)

It was no surprise to us, therefore, that Tillamook ranked decently high on the list. At one point, this was the father's ice cream of choice, but then they changed their recipe and the quality went downhill. Although you still get 1.5 quarts for only $5.99, the ice cream now has less of that potent coffee flavor and more cheap fillers, as well as the same whipped-air effect that engendered all the complaints about Dreyer's. If you're craving coffee, then there are definitely worse ways to go, but there are better ones as well.

I grew up thinking of Häagen-Dazs as The It Thing. If you had told me Queen Elizabeth bathed in it or Sting exclusively ate Häagen-Dazs for dessert, I would have believed you. The brand was hallowed in our house, the more so because it's expensive, so we usually only had it if someone found it at Grocery Outlet. This national chain has stores across the West Coast and in the Northeastern United States and is a great place to grab often-expensive brands such as this one on the cheap.

Naturally, we all expected greatness from Häagen-Dazs, and we more or less got it. It was sweet, buttery, and even fragrant, with tons of that cuppa Joe flavor. It's also so rich and creamy that it comes out in those beautiful, round ice cream parlor scoops. It would look lovely all on its own in ceramic ice cream bowls, but would also be delicious with some hot fudge sauce. (Then again, what wouldn't be delicious with some hot fudge sauce?) It's a definite splurge at $5.29 for a single pint, so if you can find it at Grocery Outlet or a similar discount store, then so much the better.

On a final note, I feel compelled to point out the one possible downside of this brand: the slight caramel taste, something you wouldn't normally associate with coffee. Some people thought this was a real highlight, but clearly those people like caramel, which this writer does not. So keep that in mind.

Drum roll, please: And here we are, having finally arrived at the most emotionally freighted ice cream brand on this list. Why? Because Trader Joe's Coffee Bean Blast Ice Cream, in addition to having a truly righteous name (kudos, marketing department), is the father's Holy Grail of coffee ice cream. And, if you cannot tell yet, the father thinks coffee ice cream is already the Holy Grail of dessert, so ... yeah, it matters.

Happily, it does not disappoint. At $4.49 for a quart, it brings plenty of that trademark TJ's savings to the table. It also has excellent flavor, redolent of an espresso on a chilly afternoon. It is sweet without being too sweet, exhibiting a custard-like creaminess. Because the flavor is so potent, moreover, a little goes a long way. This would make for an excellent way to upgrade an ice cream sandwich; the rich flavor would go equally well with chocolate biscuits, chocolate chip cookies, or shortbread alike. What can I say? Sometimes dad is right. Nobody tell him.

Snoqualmie Iced Latte Ice Cream was a winner, plain and simple. It was subtle yet complex, smooth and creamy, and definitely akin to a latte. Because of this, some folks found the flavor a bit too mild. "There's not a hint of coffee to be found," declared the small boy in dismay, while other family members praised its unassuming flavors. At $5.99, this Seattle brand is a bit on the pricier side and probably not available everywhere in the U.S., but if you can try it, we'd say go for it.

The Van Leeuwen Coffee Affogato and Snoqualmie Iced Latte actually tied in our opinion, with much discussion about which comprised the better option. In the end, Snoqualmie lost out because it had a much more mellow coffee flavor, whereas Van Leeuwen was super java-forward, a plus in our book.

While Snoqualmie's flavor profile was nice on its own, because it was so mild, it could have benefited from an extra boost. Although several members of the family felt that it was plenty delicious, others of us would recommend a bit of chocolate or caramel sauce to jazz it up a little. Finally, this one melted pretty quickly. If you're going to take it somewhere on a day that's warmer than freezing, you should make sure you pop it into a cooler (or hack your ice cream maker to make it a mini freezer).

Apparently, to be considered French ice cream, a product has to have twice as many egg yolks as the standard recipe. You really can taste the francophone splurge in a bite of Van Leeuwen, which was rich and creamy, with plenty of coffee flavor that nevertheless didn't overpower the custard. We are all for French ice cream, as it turns out, so it's no surprise that the group widely agreed this was second to none. (Or rather, second to one.)

The only downside to Van Leeuwen is, obviously, the price. At $6.49 for a pint that doesn't stretch very far for a family, it truly is a splurge. Given the taste, we generally agree that the price is justified, just know what you're getting yourself into. You can get twice as much for $2 less if you go to the Trader Joe's route, and that will also give you a lovely coffee boost. On a final note, though, this packaging truly takes the cake when it comes to beauty and class. If you're bringing dessert to a dinner party, this might just be the way to go.

I don't know about you, but I would never be surprised to learn that Talenti was the best of a category. This gelato brand routinely churns out (no pun intended) excellent sorbet and ice cream. They seriously have the Midas touch, mastering every flavor before they put it on the shelf. Unsurprisingly, the Talenti Coffee Cookie Crumble was no exception. With little bits of cookie and chocolate, along with layers of coffee ice cream, it was a delight to eat. Someone (ahem, me) may have even finished off the pint as soon as the taste test was over.

The only downside is that it was $6.49 where we bought it, which wasn't even an upscale grocery store. However, I feel compelled to point out that Talenti is frequently on the shelves at Grocery Outlet. (Yes, we really like Grocery Outlet.) The only thing is, you never know what you're going to find, so shopping there in pursuit of a specific flavor probably isn't the best approach.

On a final note, it's a little hard to hack the Talenti out of the carton, especially since it's so small and the plastic tub is unforgiving. It will help to get a sturdy ice cream scoop before tackling this one.

You know you've got it good when you can justify eating coffee ice cream for a living and all you have to do is bring some method to your madness. To wit: Our ice cream ranking system was pretty simple. Everyone tasted every flavor, considering factors such as creaminess (how smooth was it?), meltiness (did it feel at all icy on the tongue or did it just turn to that delicious milkshake consistency?), flavor, mix-ins, and overall deliciousness.

In many cases, this wasn't an apples-to-apples proposition. There were several differences among the ice creams, from alternative ingredients to protein boosts to amazing and not-so-amazing chunks of toppings. All of that made for a pretty subjective ice cream-tasting experience. To create some semblance of science, we each chose our favorites in a kind of dairy-based tiered voting system, and discussed which we felt was the best. Because there were seven of us, this added up to a relatively objective outcome.