The 12 Things You Should Never Say When Ordering Drinks At A Bar

Watch a good bartender at work, and it looks like the easiest job in the world. All you need to do is shake or stir a few ingredients together, engage in witty repartee with patrons, and occasionally wipe down the bar and swipe a credit card. But like all skilled professionals, experienced bartenders employ a lot of abilities that only the most sharp-eyed patrons notice. On busy shifts, they need to be master multitaskers, mixing different drinks from memory for crowds of customers while keeping an eye on their supply of liquor and mixers. And if this wasn't enough, they also get roped into service as confessors, counselors, or bouncers.

While doing all that, they must also field a barrage of dumb questions. Of course, good bartenders are happy to show off their knowledge (time permitting) and want you to have a good experience. And as a bar patron, you have a right to expect a good experience. But too often, patrons inadvertently make bartenders' lives a living hell. So how do you avoid becoming That Person? We asked four experts — etiquette expert and podcaster Nick Leighton, bartender/mixologist Nikki Bonkowski, etiquette consultant Lisa Mirza Grotts, and Louise Ball, beertender at Blackadder Brewing – for their tips on what not to say when you order your drink.

Let's be honest — most of us belly up to the bar because we're looking forward to a little buzz. We don't have to apologize for this, but at the same time, it should not be the only reason we're there. Skilled bartenders take pride in their work and strive to create drinks that offer memorable flavors, rather than just alcohol.

Asking that a drink be made stronger is offensive for a couple of reasons. First, not all drinks are intended to be super-strong. Bartenders formulate lighter drinks to be the way they are for a reason, and asking for a stronger version is akin to questioning their skills. "Bartenders know how to make a proper drink — this is insulting," Lisa Mirza Grotts says. "If you want it stronger, order a double and pay accordingly." That brings up the second reason this drives bartenders crazy: It's basically a request for free booze. And that's not a reasonable request.

In decades past, neighborhood bars had a charming custom of buybacks, in which favored customers who bought multiple rounds would get a complementary round, with the understanding that the customer would leave an extra-generous tip or stick around to buy more drinks. Alas, with the rising cost of overhead and real estate, along with modern point-of-sales systems that track every drop poured, this custom has mostly died out.

Unfortunately, many bar patrons haven't gotten the message, and continue to pester their bartenders for free drinks –- which is a bad look. "Don't ask for a free pour or 'a little extra,'" Nick Leighton says. While a few old-school dive bars may still offer buybacks to longtime regulars, don't even think about asking in a high-end bar or craft brewery. While it might be financially sustainable for a dive bar to comp a shot of bottom-shelf liquor or a pint of Natty Light to a loyal regular, no sane bartender will treat you to a shot of single-malt Scotch or a Trappist ale just because you've been sitting there –- so if you want more, be prepared to pay for it.

On the surface, asking a bartender to make whatever they want for you sounds like a friendly gesture –- after all, you're showing trust in their taste and their expertise. But bartenders actually hate hearing this. They aim to please, but know nothing about what you like or dislike. Their range of possible options is huge, and they dread the prospect of whipping up something special only to find it's the one thing you absolutely hate. 

"[Among the] things that are annoying [are] asking bartenders to 'surprise me' without offering any guidance," Nick Leighton explains. "There's a huge difference between a bellini and a negroni." Louise Ball agrees: "I don't want to surprise you, I want to give you something you like," she says.

A better option if you want to try something new (or let the bartender show off) is to share your likes and dislikes. "You can say that you like a particular drink and ask what they might recommend that's similar," Leighton adds. "You can also ask about house specialties or favorites." And the more direction you can offer, the easier it will be to get a drink you love. "Have an idea of what you're looking for, whether that be refreshing, spicy, strong, or sweet, and say to the bartender, 'Hey, everything on the menu looks great, but I'm in the mood for something spicy. Can you point me in the right direction?'" Nikki Bonkowski says.

If you're a regular at a bar, you may have a favorite bartender -– that person who knows you by name and remembers not just your favorite drink but exactly how you like it. Your favorite bartender may well be the main reason you frequent that bar, because who doesn't like to go somewhere knowing they'll feel seen and welcomed?

But it's important to remember that bartenders aren't the Borg –- they can't read their colleagues' minds and may or may not know anything about their dealings with other bar patrons. So if you happen to visit the bar on a day when Cissy is on vacation, don't expect whoever is on duty to channel her knowledge or her bartending style automatically. If you have specific preferences, spell them out for the bartender on duty. "If possible, describe how she makes it, but politely," Lisa Mirza Grotts says. In other words, ask nicely for the drink you want, but try not to act too bummed to have missed Cissy — don't forget, the bartender in front of you has feelings too.

Another question that irritates bartenders is the maddeningly vague "what's good here?" While it may sound harmless, it signals serious sloth to bartenders. "That's like walking into a library and asking what the best book is," Lisa Mirza Grotts says. "On its own, [it] is a good question because at its core the patron is genuinely interested in what's good," Nikki Bonkowski adds. "The issue lies in the fact that the question is far too broad. My answer to that has always been 'Anything I make is going to be delicious, so it all just depends on what you're craving to drink currently.'"

In short, bartenders have a tough time with "what's good here?" because they have no idea how you personally define good. So lay out your definition for the bartender: Tell them what your favorite cocktails or flavor profiles are and ask what options on the menu match them. And look closely at the flavor profile of any drink that interests you to avoid disappointment. "Another common mistake people make when ordering is not looking at a flavor profile enough before committing to the cocktail," Bonkowski says. "Therefore, once they receive the drink they don't end up enjoying it, which is no mistake of the bartender but instead of the patron."

We totally get it –- times are tough, budgets are slim, but you still want to enjoy a night out at a bar from time to time. But most bars are small businesses that need to make ends meet too, and bugging your bartender for bargains isn't going to make you any friends.

So what's a budget-conscious drinker to do? "If you're on a budget, ask for the well drink special, or have drinks at home," Lisa Mirza Grotts says. But you have other options for saving money as well. If you're drinking wine with a friend and plan on having a few glasses each, you'll save by sharing a bottle rather than ordering individual glasses. If you're into shots, order a double shot in a tall glass -– this will be cheaper than two individual shots. And if you visit a bar a day or two after a big holiday, you may be able to take advantage of bargains on leftover holiday drinks — a pint of Guinness is just as tasty on March 18 as on St. Patrick's Day.

We shouldn't have to explain why bartenders find this insulting. Sure, a few low-end bartenders may be nothing more than glorified bottle-openers and bouncers, but those that take their craft seriously have very specific reasons for making their drinks the way they do. You may pride yourself on making a mean martini, but pro bartenders approach and create drinks in a very different way from amateur mixologists. Think of it as the difference between a recreational pilot bopping around in a Cessna on weekends and a fighter pilot landing on an aircraft carrier: The general principles are the same, but the required levels of planning and technical expertise are worlds apart.

For instance, high-end bars contain many more varieties of liquor than home bars as well as higher-quality mixers and add-ins, such as house-made extracts and syrups. This enables bartenders to create unique flavor profiles that can't be easily replicated in your kitchen. In addition, bartenders test and recalibrate their recipes multiple times to ensure they work perfectly. Once they land on a version they like, they follow it precisely every time –- no eyeballing of ingredients allowed. Given all this, challenging their technique or expertise is just plain rude. So if you see your bartender making your favorite drink differently than you would, sit back and trust the process. You may be pleasantly surprised — and your bartender won't hate you.

Among Nikki Bonkowski's pet peeves is being told to smile more. It might sound harmless, but here's a gentle reminder: Your bartender's job is to make your drink, not to provide emotional validation. While you have every right to expect to be treated with courtesy and professionalism at a bar (and some bartenders pride themselves on their outsized personalities), you don't have the right to expect every bartender to act like your new best friend.

This request is especially problematic because it is almost always aimed at women. And guess what? Women hate it. It's creepy and invasive to have a stranger presume that you're obligated to look happy all the time. Additionally, to say this shows that you don't see your bartender as a serious professional. If you really want to see your bartender smile, tell them (as non-creepily as possible) how much you enjoy your drink –- and don't forget to tip them generously.

The promise of expertly made drinks attracts customers to a bar, but often, the mood they encounter once they sit down will bring them back. Skilled bartenders know not only how to field several drink orders at once and guide people to the best choices for their tastes, but they're adept at cultivating a friendly, welcoming atmosphere that will entice patrons to order multiple rounds and visit again and again.

While bartenders do develop friendly relationships with their regular patrons, it's important for customers to take this for what it is: a cordial professional relationship. So if a friendly bartender starts making small talk with you, don't mistake it for flirting. Nikki Bonkowski has had customers ask for her personal phone number or when she gets off work, and finds it seriously creepy. 

"At the end of the day, the bartender is at work, and you're in their place of work, which has become a place of safety for them," she says. "Think of it as an HR violation for hitting on the bartender. You're not supposed to ask out your coworkers, therefore don't ask out your bartender. It makes them uncomfortable."

To have the best possible experience at a bar, you need to go in with some idea of what you can expect to order. "Know before you go," Lisa Mirza Grotts says. "We do it when we order coffee; cocktails are no different." So if you're new to the world of libations, educate yourself about common cocktails and liquors before you go –- you'll have a much less stressful experience if you understand what all the options are on the drink menu.

Also remember that bars can range from low-end neighborhood watering holes to high-end destinations featuring original cocktail creations and pours from rare bottles. Just as most of us choose restaurants based on what we're in the mood to eat and what we're willing to spend, it's a good idea to approach bars the same way. 

"Know what kind of bar you're in," Nick Leighton says. "A neighborhood dive bar probably isn't the place to order a complicated drink with a zillion obscure ingredients." Also, the barkeep at said dive bar won't appreciate you walking in, then storming out in a huff upon discovering they don't carry the crème de violette that's essential for your Aviation.  A simple web search ahead of time can save you both a lot of trouble.

We can't blame anyone for experiencing some decision paralysis at a good bar –- when a whole bunch of things look really, really good, it can be hard to decide on just one. While you're free to take your time to make a choice, it's important not to waste the bartender's time while doing so. You're not the only one waiting for a drink, and it's a disservice to both the bartender and fellow customers to hog up the bartender's attention for nothing.

"I also don't like it when we're very busy, like trivia [night] or something like that, and someone says, 'I don't know, surprise me,'" Louise Ball says. So if you don't know what you want, it's okay to tell the bartender you're still thinking about it and to come back later. This will enable other patrons who have already made up their minds to get served faster. And once you do make up your mind, don't snap your fingers to get the bartender's attention –- according to Nick Leighton, bar pros find this habit irritating. If you're feeling indecisive and the bar isn't too busy, this is a good time to let the bartender know what you like and ask for recommendations.

Narcissism is never a good look. Bar staff hear "Do you know who I am?" on the regular, and they're never impressed. "I get this one all the time. Usually when I'm escorting a drunk jackass out of the building," a commenter on Reddit said. "Like I give any s***s about who they are or who they 'know.'" Lisa Mirza Grotts confirms this. "Even if you're a VIP, they don't care," she says. "What they do care about? The green stuff."

In short, while bars are meant to be fun places to hang out, they're still businesses and customers need to treat the staff like the professionals they are. The bartender's responsibility is to look after all bar patrons and make sure everyone's needs are taken care of, so acting as if your needs take priority over everyone else's will ruin the experience for all involved. 

If you really want bartenders to like you and want to serve you, all you have to do is be likeable yourself: Be polite to both the bartender and other patrons, be patient if the bar is busy and service is slower than you'd like, and try to be the type of friendly and kind person a stressed-out bartender would be happy to serve. And, of course, don't forget to tip well.